Excuses, Reasons, and/or other BS

I've spent a lot of time being irritated with myself. This seems completely backwards to me right now but I guess it deserves an explanation. Did you know that pregnancy can cause self esteem issues? I look and feel great for being 21 weeks pregnant and deep in my brain and soul, I know that I've been really lucky. I've only gained about 14 pounds, I still fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans, and I've been able to easily maintain a healthy diet. But then I have days like today where I feel like I've eaten the same number of calories as my 1200 pound performance horse (in case you weren't aware, that is a lot of calories). It's days like today where I just feel... out of control. I feel like I'm suffering from fear of weight gain even though the end result will be amazing. I can look in the mirror in the morning and be completely at ease and at night, I feel horrified by the changes I see. It's completely and utterly ridiculous and I just need to stop. I need to channel the girl from this blog post of mine from back in June. I need to get it through my skull that this isn't permanent and that if properly motivated, I know I can bounce back with no problems.

I'm only a celebrity in my own mind and I doubt anyone is judging me but if it weren't for all the negative shit you read about pregnancy weight gain and such, I don't think I would feel this way. The bullying of women who are gaining weight to support a life just has to stop. Can I get an amen? A what-what? A hoot? A holler? Maybe just a "yeah, ok, sure Melanie!"?

I haven't been to crazy on Facebook... though I did admit to craving Pickles & Mac n Cheese...

In other news, I am determined to be the best darn coworker that a girl can be. My three immediate coworkers all decided to go on a diet together and I vowed to be a damn supportive coworker despite my pregnancy and my own image issues. Unlike my peers around this time last year, I was determined to do the little things that would help my coworkers succeed. I planned to bring my own lunches, not flaunt cake or ideas for potlucks, and help them through tough cravings. I've been there, I've done that, and I feel like I could be helpful. Yeah, that's all well and fine until the diet ends before it even really starts.

"And this is why I've gained 20 pounds." "You guys are a bad influence." "Now I feel like a big french fry." "I only had water to drink, that has to make it a little bit better." "Now I feel really sick."

Gaahhh. Been there, said that! No one can hold you back from making a change if you really want to make one. A quote I posted slightly over a year ago was, "The longest journey begins with a small step taken by a brave person." (geez, Melanie! Listen to yourself and follow your own freakin' advice! Holy crap, woman!)

I'm not judging them, really I'm not. It's just that I see myself in all of them. Excuses, Reasons, and a bunch of BS. This is the fourth diet attempt they have started so it's hard for me to not shake some sense and reason into them. It's hard for me to not preach about how great it feels to accomplish the overall goal. It's hard for me to see them fail because once they make the right changes for their own body and lifestyle, it is SO EASY to finish and change for the better.

This is how I feel right now... but it's not true. I'm only judging myself!

Meet Baby D!

Little MISS Baby D, to be exact!

This ultrasound was the single coolest, most life affirming event that I have ever experienced. I was with my husband and our parents, watching Miss D float and kick around on a big screen TV that was mounted on the wall. She was being shy and was perfectly content to stay in her own little corner.

So, without further ado, here she is! (And no, I'm not flaunting her girl parts on the internet. I'm determined not to be an embarrassing Mom... yet.)

Thumbs up!

Her face is on the left hand side and her hand is right above her chin. You can also see her heart!

Her "fantastic and strong" legs (words from the ultrasound tech)

Next challenge, creating a beautiful, non-pink nursery for my little girl. Challenge Accepted!

It's almost time...

... to find out if we're having a boy or a girl!

I was browsing Pinterest for gender reveal ideas and found something similar to this and went with it! I admit it, I had a little bit too much fun...

das Liebster Award-ness

So my buddy Jaime over at The Unlikely Competitor nominated me for the Liebster Award. Don't you worry, I won't let this incredible honor get to my head in any way, shape or form.

Errr... I mean...

Unfortunately, I don't read any blogs that fit the bill to be nominated for the Liebster Award (see below) but I am going to participate in answering these really fun questions and then I'm going to create a list of 11 questions that anyone reading my blog can feel free to answer at their leisure. Though, when I do come across a blog of incredible worth, I will make sure to add a link to it and then reference this post. This is my solemn oath!

 

"So what is the Liebster Award?

The Liebster Award nomination goes to those bloggers who have a following of less than 200 to promote other bloggers to comment and share - even get to know each other! I think this is great, because it gives you the potential to gather a larger following! If you get nominated, you cannot nominate the person who nominated you (No tagbacks!).

The point of the Liebster Award is to answer questions, tell 11 secrets about yourself, and nominate 11 other bloggers who fit the criteria. Here it goes!"

1. If you could get on a plane and go anywhere, where would it be and why?
Australia! First of all, I think the opportunity to sit on a plane for 14 hours or so would be amazing. Also, traveling "forward" in time and then "backwards" in time would be well worth the cost of the ticket.

Kangaroo Island

But seriously, I've always wanted to go to Australia. There is a place in South Australia called Kangaroo Island and I would love to explore the cliffs, beaches, and the Shipwreck Trail. Seeing wild Kangaroos, outside of a zoo environment, would also be pretty amazing. (Yes, there are actually Kangaroos there!) I also want to tour the Sydney Opera House and see a show there, ANY show.

2. What is one major thing you would like to accomplish in your life time?
This is a tough one because I'm still young and feel like I still have so many things I want to accomplish (Masters Degree, have a baby, not take out a loan to pay for my child's education, etc.). But since I need to choose, I would like to write a book and publish it (self published or otherwise, doesn't matter to me) and actually have people enjoy it!

3. What was your favorite class in high school or college and why?
My English class, Senior Year of High School. I was lucky enough to be placed in an Arthurian Legends themed English class and I absolutely loved it. I was already obsessed with  Marion Zimmer Bradley's Mists of Avalon so it was the perfect fit for me. We had to read all the standard books for Seniors but we got the added benefit of studying Arthurian Legend and having an AWESOME teacher. At the end of the year, we also got to go to England on a 10 day Arthurian Tour and it was an amazing experience.

4. What is one thing that always makes you smile?
My dog, Hank.

Hank with his 3rd Birthday "Gift"

5. If you were going to try a new hobby, what would you try?
Rock Climbing!

6. What is your favorite kind of music?
I absolutely love every type of music but I love discovering local Indie Rock bands before they hit the big time. You know, kinda like The Decemberists. (No, I'm not from Oregon but I did listen to the Decemberists before the were more well known)

7. What is your favorite race and why?
Out of the three races I've run, my favorite has been the California Classic in Fresno. The course was interesting, we ran through the zoo, and even though I swore, "never again" at the finish, I had a really good time. Other than running a Disney Race, I really want to do a Run Catalina Island race. Can't have Fresno be the most interesting course I've run!

8. If you could live anywhere for a year where would it be?
If living didn't require working, I would live in Greece. Preferably on the Peninsula somewhere but close enough to a city that if I wanted to do "city-style" exploring, I could.

9. What made you start blogging?
I blogged on Livejournal in High School. It started as a way to keep track of all the silly things that my friends and I said during the day as well as chronicling the trials and tribulations of High School. I went back and read some of my old entries and deleted the blog right after. Then I got back into blogging last year when I was attempting to make light of the fact that I needed to lose weight, badly. It has ended up helping me out more than I expected, plus it is fun to chronicle the "joys" of getting in shape.

10. If you could meet a famous person, past or present, who would it be?
If you knew me in high school, you knew that History class was my least favorite class. I did everything I could to get out of taking History classes, including taking a one night a week Junior College course my Junior year of high school. One semester, one day a week... AMAZING. Anyway, as an adult, I've found a new love of history. I don't have to take exams and remember exact dates and that's exactly how I like it!

Anyway, I think Anne Boleyn is such a tragic, misunderstood figure. I would love to meet her and just have a discussion with her about her life.

11. What is something you have done that you are really proud of? 
Prior to May of last year, I would have said that completing my Bachelor's Degree in four years was my greatest accomplishment. Now, I can say that completing three half marathons has been my greatest accomplishment. I hated running prior to last year and could hardly run 30 seconds at a time when I started. Now, I can proudly say that prior to my pregnancy, running 5 miles at a time is a piece 'o cake!

11 fun facts about me:

1. My favorite musical is The Music Man.

2. I play the Clarinet and Bass Clarinet.

3. I don't chew gum because the sound annoys me.

4. When I was 9, I trained my aunt's Pekingese to do agility.

5. I buy wine based on the awesomeness of the label and/or name.

6. My book as a kid was called But No Elephants and my favorite song was Rockin' Robin.

7. No matter how stupid or silly the episode is, I find great joy in watching America's Next Top Model. Don't tell anyone.

8. My favorite movies are The Goonies, The Sandlot, Hook, and Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

9. I have an irrational fear of spiders and if I see one above my bed, I can't sleep well for at least three days.

10. I love answering questions asked by song and confusing everyone around me.

11. In high school, I drove a train at a park in town and I can still repeat my script, word for word. "Welcome aboard the C.P. Huntington, Engine # 74...."


And now for 11 questions to those I've nominated (Errr... will nominate in the future):


1. What made you start blogging? ( STOLEN! :))

2. What is your favorite book and your favorite quote from that book?

3. If you were given the chance to complete five of your bucket list activities this week, which ones would you choose and why?

4. What makes you happiest after a stressful day?

5. How would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

6. What do you do that makes you lose track of time?

7. Turn on your favorite music listening device. What is the next song? What is the most played song? What is the least played song?

8. Slippers or socks?

8. You can only have one picture displayed in your entire house. Post the picture that you would choose, no explanation required.

9. If you could go back in time, which era would you choose to visit?

10. What's your favorite meal?

11. Quick, what do you see when you look at this.... ?

Introducing... the barely there baby belly!

I would like to preface this by saying I had to find the most form fitting pre-pregnancy shirt that I own and endure a 20 minute photo shoot with my Mom to find the right angle to prove that I actually have a belly. I can't lie, it was actually kind of fun and amusing to find the right wall in my house and argue with my Mom. She kept telling me to let my stomach go and push it out. What she didn't realize is that I am NOT holding in my stomach and I was letting go as much as I could. My husband was cracking up at us by the time we finished and even got the "honor" of picking the final "Facebook Approved" photo.

17.5 Week "Baby D Belly"

Pickles and Macaroni & Cheese

No joke, pickles and mac & cheese are high on my cravings list. Luckily, I have no urges to mix the two together... my brain thinks that would be horrible. Baby D on the other hand is thinking really hard about considering the combo.

I had my most recent doctor's appointment on Friday. Baby's heartbeat is 153 BPM and quite literally sounds like a galloping horse. When I first heard the heartbeat at 12 weeks, it was much quieter and harder to find. It was neat to hear that first time but so much more life affirming this time around. It's pretty cool to hear the baby moving around and trying to get away from the doppler. I actually starting giggling (yes, like a small girl) during my appointment and it caused the baby to start moving like crazy AND I FELT THE MOVEMENT. Oh my goodness! It was, for lack of a better or more Melanie-esque word, freaking magical. MAG-I-CAL.

Downside of my 16 week appointment is that I feel like I've already gained so much weight. Honestly, I'm about 12 pounds up from my pre-pregnancy weight. Thank goodness I didn't lose weight from morning sickness because that would have been miserable. My doctor is not worried and says this is not the time for me to feel worried about my weight. One of my pregnancy books says that weight gain is gradual. Another website resource says I've gained an excess of six pounds based on "where I should be". My doctor disagrees with both and told me that I will see my weight "stair step" upwards and that I need to expect to gain 25-35 pounds. Her normally nice demeanor changed when she sternly told me, "Don't you dare listen to anyone but me on this matter." She then returned to normal and told me to *walk* at least 30 minutes a day and to consume 300-ish calories more than usual per day. She said my choice of freeze dried fruits and veggies were excellent (I think so too by the way... fat-free, low sugar, crispy, crunchy, yummy...mmmmm).

To make myself feel better, I have walked the dog for 40 minutes a day since that appointment. I have the energy and the motivation to do it, so I am taking advantage of that! My legs are definitely sore and the whole dynamic of exercising feels so... different. For instance, when I got home from my walk today, I could have eaten an entire pig. (Sorry, I just wasn't hungry enough to eat an entire cow, so pig was the next best animal choice.) I had crackers and a few snack sized pickles instead and felt much better. Then within minutes, I was already feeling the burn in my legs. Yes, I walked three miles... but really? Sigh... it's OK, it's just different. My running app told me that I went six miles instead of three (I've checked the route on Map My Run in the past) which is hilarious since I was done in less than 40 minutes. :) Either I've gotten WAY faster with pregnancy, my app is taking pity on me, or the app is malfunctioning. I'm going with the last one, just in case you couldn't guess.

Merry New Years! eerrrr... I think?

Pregnancy is making me lose my mind AND my waist line. I feel like this little babe is draining me of IQ and energy, all at the same time! Up is down, left is right, and keyboards are for hand writing letters. It's a weird feeling!

Luckily, I am getting some of my energy back but I feel so bogged down from being pregnant, that I am much more content being lazy than productive. I'm already 14.5 weeks along and it seems kind of surreal still. We've seen the baby, heard the heartbeat, and can see all the outward signs of pregnancy but it still doesn't seem like it is really happening.

When I first started my blog back in January and I started the special diet, I had cravings for all types of foods. Multiply that by 200 and that's how I feel now. I had it so easy back then!

Friend's Facebook Post: I could use some pho or thai curry for lunch.
My response: So could I! *like post*
My response to my sudden realization that I have no access to either food in my town: O_o

Friend's Facebook Post: Just found a recipe for Scalloped Potatoes that looks BOMB.
My response: Can you send that to me?
My response to knowing I won't eat this anytime soon ANYWAY:  :(

I've restarted my playing of The Sims 3 in the last couple of days (vacation + lack of motivation = day on the couch playing Sims 3) and food that my SIMS ARE EATING, appeal to me. Sigh... I will never win. :)

I just got an update email from the Santa Rosa Marathon (End of August of 2013) about their course updates and new offerings and I am so bummed that it is probably too soon after delivery for me to participate. Running while pregnant is safe and was approved by my doctor but I haven't done ANY since my half marathon in November. The most I feel capable of doing right now is walking and even that seems iffy. I cleaned up my garden for 15 minutes this afternoon and it made me sore! Such a change!

But the positives are these: In the next couple of weeks the baby will be able to hear me, in about a month we will know if the babe is a boy or a girl, and at some point in the very near future, my doctor expects that I may be able to feel the baby moving around. Amazing!