Psychology of Skinny

I almost called this post "Skinny Psychosis". It makes more sense because people go crazy trying to achieve SKINNY.

Merriam-Webster defines skinny as follows:

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¹skin·ny

adj \ˈski-nē\

skin·ni·erskin·ni·est

Definition of SKINNY

1

: resembling skin : membranous

2

a : lacking sufficient flesh : very thin : emaciated b : lacking usual or desirable bulk, quantity, qualities, or significance"

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I think we should strive for svelte or slender. Better yet, how about healthy? Obviously, my mindset has changed a lot in the last nine weeks. I've taken a step away from the mean scale and focused really hard on the facts. I am slowly developing what Tony calls a "jungle booty", my arms are becoming sculpted in a way that would make me jealous if I saw them on another woman, I have more definition in my waist, I have more overall strength, my endurance has increased, and attitude towards fitness is a happier one. In addition to all these things, my appetite has changed. My cravings are more controllable, my eating habits have been refined, and I'm reaching for healthier foods.

"I know this woman who is 5'6" and she weighs 165 pounds. She is enormous."

That is a DIRECT quote I heard at Tuesday night's workout. During the fitness/weight loss program someone actually has the nerve to chastise/judge someone else for their weight. Here we are in this program to improve our health and lose the weight WE ALL had trouble losing. Now that some of my classmates are more slender and fit, they have taken it upon themselves to "think bitchy" and insult people in the same way they were once insulted. Essentially, they have become the bullies they once despised. This is wrong on so many levels. I was so upset when I overheard this conversation that I sat up and said, "I am 5'6" and I weigh 165 pounds. Do I look enormous to you?"

Her answer was the typical foot-in-mouth response, "I didn't say 165 pounds looked bad on you, but she is enormous." 

I was beyond livid when I said, "Well maybe you should think about what you say in this environment. You know, the friendly weight loss environment where everyone is struggling in their own way to get to and maintain a healthy weight."

"Um. I was talking about someone else, not you." 

"I realize that but you described my height and weight to a tee. I was happy with my progress and I felt really good about myself until about two minutes ago. Now, I feel enormous."

I still feel really good about my progress in this program and throughout the last nine weeks because I've made positive, permanent changes to my lifestyle. I really just wanted to make her feel sorry for her behavior and realize that her words were deeply upsetting. What she did is bullying on an adult level and adults should know better. I was bullied in high school and I'm bullied on a constant basis as an adult. Just because you've been the object of bullying doesn't mean that you should turn into a bully once you've overcome whatever caused the bullying in the first place. Bully. Bully. Bully. Have I said that word or a form of that word enough in this paragraph? Bully. There, one last time and I think we've met the appropriate quota now.

Freshman in HS

Senior in HS

I have a clear memory of being a high school freshman and sitting in PE class. A "popular", well liked girl was having a conversation with her friends and she said, "If I eat right, I could be down to a size zero by the time the school year is over. I mean, ew. Who would want to stay a size four? It's just so big." Everyone sitting around the circle agreed with her. Here I was, on the outside of the conversation (and the circle) thinking, "What did I do wrong? I'm a size 10." I was so ashamed of my weight that I spent every period before and after gym class changing in the showers. Looking back at pictures, I realize that I wasn't fat at all. Thinking back, I wish I had listened to my mom and just not listened to the mean girls. Thinking about it now, I have to listen to my mom, my husband, and my friends and not listen to the mean girls.  

Until recently, I scrutinized every picture of myself. Regardless of my weight, I usually was not happy with the image in the mirror vs. the image on the photograph. My favorite question to my husband was, "Is that what you see when you look at me?" I'm not saying that habit has been completely knocked but I feel better about myself now than I have in a long time. I can't let horrible, unsupportive people get in the way of this warm fuzzy feeling. I have to start looking in the mirror and saying, "Damn girl! You're looking good!"