C is for Confidence or the opposite of confidence which would be... chicken-ness.

I've spent a lot of time reflecting (and not writing!) and realized that through my recent journey, I have gained back some lost confidence. I've come to terms with the fact that I am a chicken but at least now I have some confidence!

I have a clear memory of elementary school that I think caused a lot of my mental/emotional issues growing up. The boy I had a crush on, Kevin, was the epitome of cute (at the time) and he found out I liked him because one of my friends started chanting it on the playground. Problem #1 - Not trusting my friends, especially girls. Then he said, "Why would I like her, she looks like a hippo eating grass!" Problem #2 - Realizing that boys are idiots but also realizing all my faults. I struggled for years thinking I wasn't pretty enough or skinny enough. I didn't date because I thought that's what everyone else thought. I'm pretty sure it's because of one moment as a third grade kid with a crush. Obviously, a lot has changed since that moment and a lot of things have happened. I've had moments of extreme confidence and moments where I wanted to climb under a rock and stay there forever.

This was my fourth grade self. Aside from the (inherited from dad) unibrow, I was a pretty cute kid.

Yesterday I was at the gym doing a cardio/strength workout that I learned during my time at Terrio. Half way through my workout I noticed some people from work and the only thing I could think of was, "Crap. Now they've seen my butt jiggle and I'll never be taken seriously again." Then I realized, they are probably thinking the same thing so I'm safe. I'll keep kicking butt on this elliptical and go on with my life. It's been a long time since I've had a moment of clarity like that. It's been a long time since I've been confident enough in my own skin to have a moment like that.

(insert witty and telling photo here)

(and then delete it because it makes no sense. :))