I've spent a lot of time being irritated with
myself. This seems
completely backwards to me right now but I guess it deserves an
explanation. Did you know that pregnancy can cause self esteem issues? I
look and feel great for being 21 weeks pregnant and deep in my brain
and soul, I know that I've been really lucky. I've only gained about 14
pounds, I still fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans, and I've been able to
easily maintain a healthy diet. But then I have days like today where I
feel like I've eaten the same number of calories as my 1200 pound
performance horse (in case you weren't aware, that is a lot of
calories). It's days like today where I just feel... out of control. I feel like I'm suffering from fear of weight gain even though the end result will be amazing. I can look in the mirror in the morning and be completely at ease and at night, I feel horrified by the changes I see. It's completely and utterly ridiculous and I just need to stop. I need to channel the girl from this
blog post of mine from back in June. I need to get it through my skull that this isn't permanent and that if properly motivated, I know I can bounce back with no problems.
I'm only a celebrity in my own mind and I doubt anyone is judging me but if it weren't for all the negative shit you read about pregnancy weight gain and such, I don't think I would feel this way. The bullying of women who are gaining weight to support a life just has to stop. Can I get an amen? A what-what? A hoot? A holler? Maybe just a "yeah, ok, sure Melanie!"?
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| I haven't been to crazy on Facebook... though I did admit to craving Pickles & Mac n Cheese... |
In other news, I am determined to be the best darn coworker that a girl can be. My three immediate coworkers all decided to go on a diet together and I vowed to be a damn supportive coworker despite my pregnancy and my own image issues. Unlike my peers around this time last year, I was determined to do the little things that would help my coworkers succeed. I planned to bring my own lunches, not flaunt cake or ideas for potlucks, and help them through tough cravings. I've been there, I've done that, and I feel like I could be helpful. Yeah, that's all well and fine until the diet ends before it even really starts.
"And this is why I've gained 20 pounds." "You guys are a bad
influence." "Now I feel like a big french fry." "I only had water to
drink, that has to make it a little bit better." "Now I feel really
sick."
Gaahhh. Been there, said that! No one can hold
you back from making a change if you really want to make one. A quote I
posted slightly over a year ago was, "The longest journey begins with a
small step taken by a brave person." (
geez, Melanie! Listen to yourself and follow your own freakin' advice! Holy crap, woman!)
I'm not judging them, really I'm not. It's just that I see myself in all of them. Excuses, Reasons, and a bunch of BS. This is the fourth diet attempt they have started so it's hard for me to not shake some sense and reason into them. It's hard for me to not preach about how great it feels to accomplish the overall goal. It's hard for me to see them fail because once they make the right changes for their own body and lifestyle, it is SO EASY to finish and change for the better.
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| This is how I feel right now... but it's not true. I'm only judging myself! |
