The Big Reveal

Week 1 - Week 7 - Week 10

I realized today that it's been well over a week since my last blog post. I've been busy doing fifty million other things and forgot to write. I know, excuses are not good reasons but it's the truth.

I'm drafting a thank you letter to my trainer as we speak because I feel that he deserves to know how much I have hated, loved, and appreciated him over the last few weeks. I also think he needs to know how much he has changed my life. I'm going to post my letter when it's done but until then, you have my pictures above.

There wasn't a huge weight difference between Week 7 and Week 10 but I need to list a few things for you, my loyal reader. You can't tell any of these things by looking at a before and after picture.

1. In Week 1, my bra was set at the largest setting and was borderline too tight. In Week 10, my bra is on the tightest setting and is almost too loose.

2.  My shirt is one size smaller in Week 10.

3. The pants I'm wearing require a belt to stay up and I can take them off without unbuttoning or unzipping them.

4. My underwear would fall off if not for the jeans and the belt.

5. I've lost about 6 inches off my waist. (I'm still waiting on the other official numbers)

6. In Week 10, I have this crazy desire to run from point A to point B whenever I have the opportunity.

7. In Week 10, I put on a pair of size 10 jeans at the store.... and they fit. (No squats required)

8. During Week 1, I could hold a modified plank position (on elbows and knees) for only 10 seconds. On the final day of workouts, I could hold a full plank for 45 seconds before dropping to my elbows.

9. On January 22, I did 2.5 miles in 38 minutes. Yesterday, March 24th, I did the same 2.5 miles in 30 minutes.

10. I am already having a gym withdrawal problem and I'm looking for a new gym that is closer to my house. (Weird!)

Remember this from Day 1, Post #1?
Number of Situps in 1 minute: 15
Number of Pushups in 1 minute: 18 (modified, knees on the floor)
Number of "Laps" in the parking lot in 7 minutes: 15
Number of minutes of straight running before I needed to walk: 4 minutes (half of what I do at home with the dog. Hello? Legs and Lungs? What gives?)

Well I have some new numbers for you and these shall be dubbed Workout #30, Week 10, Post #41
Number of Situps in 1 minute: 25
Number of Pushups in 1 minute: 36 (modified, knees on the floor)
Number of "Laps" in the parking lot in 7 minutes: 19
Number of minutes of straight running before I needed to walk: 7 minutes and still ready for more.

Just as an end note for the day, I wanted to say that I Google Earth Measured the little "track" in the parking lot and each lap is .042 miles. That means I went .798 miles in 7 minutes. That's not bad at all considering I could have continued at that pace for another 7 minutes. Several of my half-marathoning friends have told me that running is all about your attitude and mindset. I've come to realize how true this is because yesterday on my run, I was about to walk and I thought to myself, "You ran for 7 minutes straight the other day, you can do this!" And you know, I kept running and didn't stop. Pretty cool that mind games actually work.

Psychology of Skinny

I almost called this post "Skinny Psychosis". It makes more sense because people go crazy trying to achieve SKINNY.

Merriam-Webster defines skinny as follows:

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¹skin·ny

adj \ˈski-nē\

skin·ni·erskin·ni·est

Definition of SKINNY

1

: resembling skin : membranous

2

a : lacking sufficient flesh : very thin : emaciated b : lacking usual or desirable bulk, quantity, qualities, or significance"

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I think we should strive for svelte or slender. Better yet, how about healthy? Obviously, my mindset has changed a lot in the last nine weeks. I've taken a step away from the mean scale and focused really hard on the facts. I am slowly developing what Tony calls a "jungle booty", my arms are becoming sculpted in a way that would make me jealous if I saw them on another woman, I have more definition in my waist, I have more overall strength, my endurance has increased, and attitude towards fitness is a happier one. In addition to all these things, my appetite has changed. My cravings are more controllable, my eating habits have been refined, and I'm reaching for healthier foods.

"I know this woman who is 5'6" and she weighs 165 pounds. She is enormous."

That is a DIRECT quote I heard at Tuesday night's workout. During the fitness/weight loss program someone actually has the nerve to chastise/judge someone else for their weight. Here we are in this program to improve our health and lose the weight WE ALL had trouble losing. Now that some of my classmates are more slender and fit, they have taken it upon themselves to "think bitchy" and insult people in the same way they were once insulted. Essentially, they have become the bullies they once despised. This is wrong on so many levels. I was so upset when I overheard this conversation that I sat up and said, "I am 5'6" and I weigh 165 pounds. Do I look enormous to you?"

Her answer was the typical foot-in-mouth response, "I didn't say 165 pounds looked bad on you, but she is enormous." 

I was beyond livid when I said, "Well maybe you should think about what you say in this environment. You know, the friendly weight loss environment where everyone is struggling in their own way to get to and maintain a healthy weight."

"Um. I was talking about someone else, not you." 

"I realize that but you described my height and weight to a tee. I was happy with my progress and I felt really good about myself until about two minutes ago. Now, I feel enormous."

I still feel really good about my progress in this program and throughout the last nine weeks because I've made positive, permanent changes to my lifestyle. I really just wanted to make her feel sorry for her behavior and realize that her words were deeply upsetting. What she did is bullying on an adult level and adults should know better. I was bullied in high school and I'm bullied on a constant basis as an adult. Just because you've been the object of bullying doesn't mean that you should turn into a bully once you've overcome whatever caused the bullying in the first place. Bully. Bully. Bully. Have I said that word or a form of that word enough in this paragraph? Bully. There, one last time and I think we've met the appropriate quota now.

Freshman in HS

Senior in HS

I have a clear memory of being a high school freshman and sitting in PE class. A "popular", well liked girl was having a conversation with her friends and she said, "If I eat right, I could be down to a size zero by the time the school year is over. I mean, ew. Who would want to stay a size four? It's just so big." Everyone sitting around the circle agreed with her. Here I was, on the outside of the conversation (and the circle) thinking, "What did I do wrong? I'm a size 10." I was so ashamed of my weight that I spent every period before and after gym class changing in the showers. Looking back at pictures, I realize that I wasn't fat at all. Thinking back, I wish I had listened to my mom and just not listened to the mean girls. Thinking about it now, I have to listen to my mom, my husband, and my friends and not listen to the mean girls.  

Until recently, I scrutinized every picture of myself. Regardless of my weight, I usually was not happy with the image in the mirror vs. the image on the photograph. My favorite question to my husband was, "Is that what you see when you look at me?" I'm not saying that habit has been completely knocked but I feel better about myself now than I have in a long time. I can't let horrible, unsupportive people get in the way of this warm fuzzy feeling. I have to start looking in the mirror and saying, "Damn girl! You're looking good!"

Pickles, Wine, and Tortilla Chips DO have something in common...

As the weeks have gone on, I've been craving certain food less and less. I've also not been tempted in the aisles of the grocery store as much. My husband and I were shopping last night and I stood, unemotional and unmoved by the chocolate in the snack aisle. It was a pretty liberating feeling. Of course, I'm still craving some things like pickles (too high in sodium), fresh and greasy tortilla chips, and really good red wine filled up to the brim of a wine glass. But luckily, cucumbers and my freshly baked chips have sufficed for the last couple of months. And I have been drinking wine but usually just a sip or two.

I've been neglecting my blog but I haven't been neglecting my workouts or my writing. As far as workouts go, I have spent the entire week sore beyond belief. Monday workouts are always upper body (though we get a full body workout) and we're usually told to grab heavy and light dumbbells. I grabbed my usual 8lb and 5lb and actually made it through the majority of our first sets with the eight pound weights. Big mistake. I should have gone to the fiver pounders much sooner. Most of the day on Tuesday I was fine but Wednesday on was just pure torture. I'm thinking the pain really has to do with the amount of time we spent using our arms in our other workouts this week.

Tuesday workouts are always core and like I said above, it's always a full body workout with EMPHASIS on a certain area. We actually did some exercises that felt really good but boy have I felt it! I can say with complete confidence that I feel about an inch taller after our core workouts. It all has to do with standing straighter and improved posture but I do truly feel an inch taller. Thursday's workout wasn't as fantastic. I didn't eat the right meal for dinner and I felt really sick. Not to mention, I was the only newbie/challenger in class and all the oldies/continuation people move through the workouts really fast. Not only was I working on a bad dinner but I was working much faster than I wanted to. They also kind of gave me a hard time for doing a modified plank position rather than the full out plank. I'm to the point where I can hold a full out plank for 30-40 seconds but if we have to go for a full minute, I usually have to drop to my knees for the last portion of the minute. It's not because I'm not strong enough or I'm not engaging my core enough, it's because it kills my shoulder. After doing 60 push ups already, my right shoulder is basically shot. It's gotten a lot stronger but I'm not iron woman yet.

We are to the point in workouts where they are pushing the continuation program and I really want to do it. Unfortunately, it's expensive and it's a long drive. I'm currently trying to figure out my options and see if there is a gym I want to join that has classes and machines. If I'm paying for something, I'm more likely to follow a plan otherwise I would do things on my own. I'm good with the cardio on my own but the strength training requires more equipment and dedication. I actually did something amazing (for me) today. I jogged a mile straight without stopping to walk. My 9 minute mile from a few weekends ago included one or two walk breaks and I think it was a fluke. My mile today took slightly over 10 minutes which is still a great accomplishment for me. Just the fact that I didn't need to stop was pretty cool and I probably could have kept going a little bit further but I decided not to push it. 

I've also been a little depressed because along with my weight loss and increased endurance, I have noticed some pretty ugly stretchmarks. Obviously previous weight gain is the culprit but I've just started to notice them in the last week or so and I'm really bummed. I don't have the desire to wear a bikini in public so I doubt anyone will ever SEE my stretchmarks but still... they aren't ever going to be welcome on my body.

As for writing, I had a pretty crazy dream the other night and I am completely rolling with it. It's turning out to be more of a short story than a novel type book, but I do think it's coming along. Don't ask because I won't tell! I've also been writing a lot of book reviews lately for Read and Review groups on Goodreads. I'm really enjoying that but am freaking out because I'm seriously putting consideration into being an author of some sort. Can I do it and be that poor author requesting reviews and waiting to see if people love or hate it? I'm not sure.

EDIT: Oh yeah! I would like to officially say thank you to everyone who has supported me through this. I've gotten a lot of emails and facebook messages congratulating me on my weight loss. I've also gotten quite a few readers and some of them are people I don't know personally. I'm really glad that you are finding things here that are helpful to you! :)

Just Google it.

I meant to write more yesterday but I just failed. I went grocery shopping (story #1), I exercised with Hank (story #2), actually didn't chicken out from eating Vietnamese food but didn't have what I dreamed about(story #3), and finally, I read a YA Action Novel called Go No Sen (story #4) as a Read to Review. I really should have just written yesterday because this post will be really long if I include all the stupid shit I've done today and the funny things I have stored in my head for this exact moment. Sigh.

Story numero uno. Grocery shopping at Walmart seems to be a family affair for everyone but me. These families consist of Mom, Dad, Grandma (or Grandpa), two or three kids under the age of 6, a bossy 10 year old, and a sullen teenager who doesn't want to be there but insists on obliviously blocking the aisle and texting/facebooking/twittering about their obvious discontent. Not only did I have a couple 6 year old kids steal my cart at the very beginning of my shopping trip, but I accidentally used the same cart to practically run over someone's Grandma who happened to be tying her shoe in the middle of the cereal aisle. I know, I know. Why do the tragically funny things always happen to Melanie? The world may never know. Anyway, I got out of the store for under $80 and you know, I got a bunch of healthy stuff that I will eat. And really, really enjoy. Seriously.

While I was waiting in line at Walmart, I placed my to go lunch order for some Pho. Totally chickened out of the Crispy Noodle goodness that I've been dreaming about for a week but I'm feeling OK about that since the Pho made me sick. Since my diet changed, I've noticed a complete difference in how my body reacts to food. Fresh foods are OK but the more processed it is, the more sick it makes me. If I pair processed food with exercise then just forget about a productive workout. It makes me drag, it gives me gas/bloat, and makes the people around me wish they weren't around me. I'm not sure I can ever go back to the eating habits that I had two months ago without some serious consequences.

Speaking of food, I'm completely convinced that tacos are the second best creation known to man. Slight second to sweet potatoes but that's a different blog. Small, 6" tortillas with any kind of meat and then you add shredded carrots, cilantro, green onions, cucumber, tomato, salsa, and lime. I know I've talked about these before but it's like they get better each time. Yesterday, I used BBQ Tri Tip (my husband's ultimate specialty) as my meat and OMG, they were amazing. (I used "OMG" so that means it really was amazing. No joke.) I ate a little more than I should have because I exercised while I read. Or maybe I should say, I spent so much time imagining Go No Sen, that it really felt like I was exercising. Go No Sen is a martial arts concept that I don't understand but after reading the book, I feel like I need to learn karate or kung fu or something. Next goal maybe?

Today was really uneventful but there were only three of us at workouts, so it was actually really fun and extremely funny. We worked hard and got through a difficult set of upper body exercises but were cracking jokes left and right. I talked about how my legs are translucent like spring roll wrappers and someone else thought of military style chants to go with each of our workouts that centered around not liking our trainer. At one point, I was singing a combination of Hurts So Good and Footloose. Don't ask how it came up because I would have no idea how to answer that question. Don't ask what lyrics I used or the tune I followed because I can't answer that either. I also can't answer any questions about what lead up to this picture...

Don't ask, don't tell. Had to share it because it's a classic that will "haunt" us forever.

Sunday Funday

I love Sundays and I hate Sundays. It's movie day on TV, it's reading day, and unfortunately, it's the day before Monday. So I sleep in, get a good run, and relax on the couch. Then I cry myself to sleep to mourn another "lost" weekend.

At some point, I need to go to the store. It's kind of silly how low I've gotten on my "diet supply" but I've been relaxing my eat habits a bit over the last couple of weeks. It hasn't hurt anything but I should probably get back to following the diet 100% so I can make the most of my last few weeks. I'm also pretty resolved to get myself into trouble and get a Crispy Noodle dish from the Vietnamese Restaurant that is down the street from Walmart. But knowing me, I will chicken out and skip the trip to the restaurant all together.

Week 1 vs. Week 7... notice a slight difference?

Week 1 vs. Week 7... notice a slight difference?

I wanted to wait until the end of the program to share a before and after photo but I'm pretty excited that I have OFFICIALLY lost 15 pounds. When I say officially, I mean that on the mean and scary scale at the gym, I have lost 15 pounds. This is my celebratory blog post.

I am also drinking a celebratory Mango Margarita. I feel that I deserve to indulge in alcohol considering how sober I have been throughout this whole challenge. It's not that I'm a drunkard but I like having a glass of wine or a bottle of beer with dinner and I've been keeping myself from doing that.

And a funny story for the night that I KNOW one of my regular readers will enjoy.... the Savemart in our town seems to be quintessential small town grocery store. You go down the aisle to get tampons and you see someone you know who is silently judging you for purchasing tampons. You go to the store at 9PM and it's a ghost town but if you show up around dinner time, it's a social gathering of everyone who is anyone. Anyway, I went tonight specifically to get Margaritas for myself and Jack Daniels for my husband (plus Ciao Bella Mango Sorbet, Tortillas, and Taco Meat...all after thoughts). I walk into the alcohol area and I'm trying to decide between Margaritaville and Jose Cuervo and I hear, "Shit! We need to get out of here. That's Donny's wife!" "Wait, Donny is married to her?" "Yeah, that's her. We have to get out of here." Keep in mind, I am surrounded by alcohol and my husband's high school students are close enough to be worried about me seeing them. It was hilarious and I looked borderline insane while I was giggling to myself.