Six weeks down, four more to go!

Sitting here by the fire, sipping decaf Chai Tea, watching the tail end of the Daytona 500 and looking for some writing inspiration. I haven't had too much inspiration lately basically because I'd just be repeating myself and that's kind of boring. So rattle, rattle, rattle. Repeat, repeat, repeat. And.... go!

I finally complained to the program director about my issues with our trainer. I am so happy that I wasn't the first one to complain because that means I'm not the only one who had problems. Occasionally I find that I'm having major problems with something or someone but I'm alone in my thinking and no one else cares. I was leery about even mentioning my issues but it finally just bubbled over. I was mentally and physically to the point where I almost wanted to give up and stop going to workouts. 60 miles round trip is not worth the effort if you have a crappy trainer. Much to my surprise and delight, something was actually done about the issue and tonight's class (with our scheduled trainer) was AWESOME. Not only was everyone is great spirits but we did a workout that actually felt like a workout. Granted, I won't be able to feel or use my arms tomorrow but we'll discuss that tomorrow.

Something happened during our workout today that was a huge revelation. Not to mention it was almost hugely revealing. We were doing jumping jacks and my pants practically fell to the floor. I was able to save the lives and eyesight of many people tonight by using my newly discovered spiderman reflexes to catch my pants before it was revealed that my underwear was falling down too. Seriously. My pants AND my underwear. I mean, when did that happen? When did I lose enough weight for something like that to happen? How did I not notice this before? I mean, I knew having my cell phone in my pocket was causing some issues while running but I didn't have a cell phone in my pocket tonight. Obviously, I need new (AND SMALLER) pants. There is a happy dance happening right now and you just can't see it!

So as I was thinking about my near catastrophic pants incident, I realized that my jeans fit differently also. Remember that shopping trip I took with my mom at the beginning of February? I bought new jeans, was amazed that they fit me in the dressing room, screamed blasphemy, etc? Well those pants are loose on me now. You know how your jeans fit when they come right out of the dryer? A couple months ago, my jeans came out of the dryer and didn't fit right until I did a few squats, walked a few laps around the kitchen island, and drove to work. Now, I pull my jeans out of the dryer and they are instantly my comfy jeans. Still flattering but not difficult to get on. Even better, I can pull them down without unbuttoning them. Ha! Take that Mr. Dryer!

I've suddenly come to the conclusion that my trainer has always been right. The number on the scale means nothing. I didn't have to do squats to make my freshly cleaned jeans fit better, I ran a 9 minute mile this last weekend, and even though I've eaten sorbet every night for the past week, it hasn't ruined anything. Ha! Take that you mean scale!

That's right!

Lent, 40 days of failing.

For those of you who know me personally, you know that I am not a deeply religious person. I don't celebrate (or partake, or follow the rules of) lent. I eat meat on Fridays, I eat chocolate, and I usually don't give up anything. Then by the time Easter rolls around, I've already stuffed my face with hard boiled eggs and gained five pounds. Luckily, I won't be gaining five pounds this year because I have proven some level of self control so far. But a decision I did make this year was to DO, not deny, for 40 days. I mainly wanted to write and run.

Well. I would like to let you know that on this second day of lent, I have already begun paving the road of failure. I'm not following the yellow brick road, I'm not passing go, and even though I'd really like $200, I haven't gotten it yet!

My goal was to deny myself of the ability to hit my snooze button, get my butt out of bed, and run with Hank to and from the dog park. I haven't done that now for two days in a row. The first two days! Ergh! I did make up for it yesterday when I went for a sunset jog. When I measured my route using Google Earth, I found out that by running around my block twice, I actually go a mile. I felt slightly accomplished but I didn't repeat my sunset jog tonight, so the accomplishment high I had yesterday has plummeted.

And then I was hoping to write and draw in my art journal every day. I didn't write in my blog yesterday and I didn't art journal yesterday. Instead, I wrote some boring emails at work and had a one sentence status update on Facebook. Oh! And I sent a couple text messages. Maybe I shouldn't have a set a goal. Maybe I should have just thrown my hands up and said, "For Lent, I'm going to pretend to do things!" Reverse self psychology.

And now for something completely different. Tonight after work I ordered myself Pho (oh the deliciousness!) and the restaurant happens to be right next door to a gym. I pulled into the parking lot at the same time as a lady who was just walking into the gym. By the time I walked out of restaurant, she was leaving the gym. As she got into her car, she made eye contact with me and said, "All I can do is walk in the door. I can't force myself to do anymore than that. Skinny people like you don't understand." She left before I could respond but I felt horrible that she even thought I was judging her. I haven't been called skinny in a long time but I haven't been called fat (to my face) in a long time either.

I know the feeling that she was talking about though. I've walked into places and immediately felt uncomfortable but that's usually how I feel walking into a clothing store. And it's actually one of the reasons I don't like doing to the gym. There are so many people who show up to the gym wearing a ton of makeup or just the "right" muscle shirt that it makes it uncomfortable for people like myself or this nameless woman I met in the parking lot. I hope I see her again one day and have the chance to help her past the front lobby of the gym.

Oh what I would do for an Olive Garden Breadstick.

I just got home from workouts, had some Ciao Bella Mango Sorbet, and am currently sulking because of a massive craving for Stuffed Mushrooms, Seafood Brodetto and Breadstickssssss from Olive Garden. Notice the emphasis on the "S" at the end of the word breadstick, it means that I desire more than one of these horribly wonderful creations. Oh Olive Garden, how you tempt me. For now, I will have to settle for the Mango Sorbet.

Since I was sick on Thursday, I skipped workouts and I had no idea what the ramifications of said action would be until about 6:30 this evening. I did not want to go. I literally dragged my feet out the door but I made it. Turns out, I'm not the only one at class who almost didn't show up. Two ladies both pulled in to parking spots and pulled out almost immediately. One of them came back. In the long run it's worth it but in the short term, it was so not worth it. I just feel so drained and unmotivated to continue on for the final month of this program. It's not the eating plan I'm struggling with, it's the exercise part. Like I said last week, the trainer is just energy draining. He is self absorbed to the max and spends a TON of time text messaging while we're all busting our asses doing burpies and whatever other tortures he can mix up for us. It's beyond frustrating and it makes me rethink driving 60 miles round trip three times a week. I've recently discovered that the County Library loans out workout DVDs and those are looking really appealing right now. Not to mention, they are free. (Obviously, I paid for this program I'm doing and I'm not going to quit when I'm so close to being done.)

My weight loss is currently at about 15 pounds, plus or minus a pound or so. My (mental) problem continues to be that I'm officially weighing in at night for the program but my morning weigh ins are so much more.... satisfying? Accomplished? Meaningful? Truthful? Wonderful? Stupendous? Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious? Regardless of the number, I realized that I've lost inches everywhere, my clothes are looser, I've developed better eating habits and I am definitely more fit. There are positives to every situation but I really, really, really want the scale to be nicer to me. I need it to be nicer.

Since I seem to be thinking about food a lot today, I want to mention that baked cilantro with lemon juice, lime juice, and pepper is amazing. I had baked salmon the other day on a bed of cilantro and asparagus and it was the best meal I've had in a long time. I also made tortilla chips using the citrus and cilantro and they were YUMMY. Tonight's dinner was almost as good as the salmon. Rotini Pasta with green beans, carrots, cilantro, basil, pistachios, and a little bit of marinara sauce.

Starting on Wednesday, I'm going to participate in a couple of 40 day challenges in honor of lent. Rather than keeping myself from doing something or denying myself a delicacy (which I'm already doing by the way, see the breadsticksssss comments above), I'm going to push myself to DO things. 40 days of writing, 40 days of running, and 40 days of art journaling. Maybe I'll come up with something amazing during my 40 days of doing....

A day to remember...

A year ago, the world lost a wonderful man named Dan Ryan and he just happened to be my grandpa, my Bapa. In the wake of his sudden passing, I dealt with my grief by writing letters to him because it was all I was able to do. I decided that instead of writing about my weight loss and fitness today, I would share my latest letter.

Dear Bapa,

            It’s been a year since that awful Saturday morning and I still feel like we just lost you. This year has been filled with so many firsts and what makes it worse is that we were never aware that we missed the opportunity to make the most of our lasts. First set of Holidays, Birthdays, and Anniversaries without you. It was the first time that you didn’t get your Christmas present a week in advance only so that you could play with it enough to amaze us with your tech skills on Christmas Eve. The first time I’ve sent a happy news email without sending it to you as well. Of course, it wasn’t for lack of trying since your email address ended up in the “send to” area before I could consciously remember that you wouldn’t ever get a chance to read it. I was just wishing that I could get an email response signed, “Enjoy your life together”.

            Sometimes when the weather isn’t seasonal, I imagine that you are sending us a gift. Warmth on a foggy day, rain to wash away our tears, a cool breeze on an otherwise unrelenting summer day, or a beautiful sunrise that breaks away the clouds. I was once told that God is everywhere and in everything. Forget God, you are there in everything. You are in every note of music and in every creative thought. You are there when I let myself beg for a miracle from heaven, it makes more sense to ask you than to ask God himself. You are there when I drift between being awake and being in a beautiful dream.

            It would sound strange to anyone else, but sometimes I think I see Tucker in Hank’s eyes. In his devotion, in his apparent love for everyone, and in his demeanor all I can see is Tucker. I hope that someday, I see you in someone else like the way you silently flicked your shirt when you were upset and the particular spark in your eye when you were talking about something you were passionate about. I know each of us carries parts of you within ourselves whether it is in personality or appearance. I can’t remember a time that I’ve ever backed down when I believe in something and that is a trait that I know has been passed down through all of us by you. I’ve felt a nagging lately that there is something out there meant for me to overcome and to fight for and I know when it materializes, that your touch will be all over it and maybe the sound of a trumpet will be hanging in the air.

            I know that you’ve never left us in spirit but not having you here in body is one of the hardest things we’ve faced as a family. It hasn’t been and never will be the same facing life without you there but with you in Heaven, I can certainly say it is truly a wonderful, wonderful world.

For the record: I like the lemonade part and it's not Snapple Half & Half, it's ARNOLD PALMER.

For my four faithful followers and anyone else who reads my blog, sorry I've been ignoring it the past few days. After Tuesday, my week completely went down the drain. Wednesday and Thursday, I left work early due to a weird (and non pregnancy related) sickness that completely knocked me out. I was feeling so gross that I missed my Thursday workout. I must have really looked sick because my boss actually let me leave early. Nothing exciting happened as I spent a lot of time on the couch reading, thinking about eating but not actually eating, and getting consoled by the dog.

Don't worry. Be happy.

It's funny how many people assume that my sickness is caused by pregnancy and then blame my new, nutritionist guided diet or my trainer guided workout routine. No, those things are getting me healthy not making me sick. I got sick because people get sick. But my "fat Melanie voice" says there may be some truth to getting sick because of the new diet because I ate a brownie yesterday, got a sugar rush, and felt 100 times better for a few hours. Oh the chocolatey, nutty goodness! It was really good and it did encourage me to buy some cheating items at the store today because everyone deserves to cheat a little. I got Ciao Bella Mango Sorbet and Jamba Juice Frozen Yogurt Bars. Move over Skinny Cows! You've got some competition!

Hank and I drove to the dog park today because I wasn't feeling up to a long walk. We saved a lost dog, played with a Vizla and English Setter, and we both chased after many forgotten tennis balls. I'm not a professional dog trainer but I am a well educated amateur who has done a good job with a dog. I hate it when people give their unsolicited two cents about me and my dog when they can't even get their dog to come when called. The Vizla and Setter were great playmates for Hank but their owners are not likely to be friends of mine anytime soon. Oh well, I'm not likely to see them again so we'll be OK.

 It felt really good to move around but now I'm really tired and I'm definitely taking it easy the rest of the weekend. Long bubble bath and reading in bed are in my immediate future!

Setting a time limit...

I've read two books in two days and I've completely put sleep on the back burner so this post is actually going to be really short. I haven't been feeling well all day today which comes from a lack of sleep and an allergic type reaction to some flowers a coworker got for Valentine's Day. By the way, I'm not supposed to mention that my husband gave me my gift today while standing in a towel. Oops... mentioned it! I got over the ear headphones and an armband for my phone. It made me "OMG" because that means he really listens to me... guess I need to cut back on snarky comments. :)

Workouts last night and tonight have been difficult. I don't have energy and the hour drags on and on and on and on and on.... and on. A lot of the issue is our trainer who is with us on Mondays and Tuesdays is just, blah. He doesn't actively engage in the exercises, he changes the names of the moves even though they stay the same, he checks himself out in the mirror, he plays with his phone, and he doesn't tell us we're doing a good job until after we walk out the door for the night. It's a drag. Our trainer on Thursdays is awesome and he's supposed to be our trainer all the time and I totally feel like I've gotten the short end of the stick. I'm thinking about changing times to the morning class because I can't keep dreading the class and trying to come up with excuses not to go. (See: A Woman's Week at the Gym) I made a goal for myself this week to hold an unmodified plank for at least 20 seconds before switching to modified. Next week's goal will be 30 seconds. I did really well tonight and made it 25 seconds!

I've also had to fight off coworkers with a stick lately. I work in an environment where food and sharing food is a huge part of the building's culture. This means holiday potlucks and birthday cakes. Well, Valentine's Day supposedly deserves a potluck and I supposedly had to sign up to participate. I avoided it and dodged it pretty well until yesterday and when I was finally hunted down, I stood firm and said, "Nope." Needless to say, there are a couple people who won't be talking to me for a couple of days because I refused to sign up to bring avocado dip. Not to mention, I didn't eat any of the food.

Anyway, I do really need to put my computer and my Kindle out of sight and out of mind and just go to sleep.

Spilling coffee on my lap definitely wakes me up faster than drinking it...

I'm sitting here, enjoying my pre-work morning routine and wishing I had one more day of the weekend. I'm not lucky enough to have the day off today but if I did, I would curl up, listen to the rain, and read another book. Even though I woke up early enough to do the things I planned this morning (run to dog park and back), it was pouring down rain and the dog is still sleeping. Guess yesterday finally wore him out! So blog typing and food prepping it is!

Despite my desire to sit on the couch all day yesterday, I actually spent some time being productive. Hank and I went on a 4 mile adventure with a dog park visit somewhere in the middle. The dog park is a great spot because he can drink water (and pee and poop) and I can do some much needed stretching. Of course, if I start moving weird or doing something out of the norm, Hank gets really excited and tries to trip me. I wasn't very appreciative of his tripping efforts yesterday mainly because he succeeded. My pride is hurt more than anything but it actually brought on some raging pain in my lower back. I've been on the brink of having back pain for a few days now and it's finally manifested itself though I'm feeling much better today.

I also drove 30 minutes to deliver a drill to my husband that he ended up not needing at all. He realized that he didn't need it the moment I pulled up to make the delivery. Good thing I brought the dog and had some old friends for us to visit, otherwise it would have been a wasted trip. Seeing our old friends and their kids made me really want children of my own. It's not that I haven't had that inkling before, it's just that it was much stronger yesterday than it has been in a long time. We all had a lot of fun rolling in the lawn with Hank, laughing and getting plenty of dog kisses.

Aside from the productivity and athletic endeavors, I finished a book (A Discovery of Witches) and my husband took me out to dinner. The other day he asked me what I wanted to do for Valentine's Day. My response was, "Let's go crazy. (insert a look from him that is worried, reluctant but mixed with a little bit of excitment) I will skip workouts and you can make me a burger." He looked really relieved and just laughed and told me he would have two burgers. But anyway, kind of a pre valentine's day cheat, we went to a local Mexican restaurant where I was supposed to splurge but could only finish half my meal. I got Shrimp Fajitas that were really tasty and came with a TON of veggies (steamed and grilled). When I looked down and realized I got four tortillas and only ate two, I was silently rejoicing but I really wanted to stand up and yell, "I defeated you, Mexican restaurant! I only ate 5 tortilla chips and half my meal! MUAHAHAHA *cough* HAHAHA!! And YES, I will take a to go box!"

Grapevines on the way home from athletic endeavors.

Wishing and Pinteresting

Today has been a great day. I was home alone last night so I finished a book, went to bed late, and woke up after actually getting eight hours of sleep. It was glorious. Though Hank wasn't happy that I disrupted his sleep schedule, he has enjoyed the extra "mom and me" time. If you haven't had a dog, you may think I'm crazy but Hank is seriously the best addition to the family I can imagine. He's helped me become more active, his presence helps me sleep when I'm alone, and by having him and my husband around, most stress seems easy to conquer. 

Couch Potatoes!

Since we were alone for the morning as well, we took a run to the dog park. And when I say run, I mean we actually ran a majority of the way. I decided to ditch the running app for the day just to see what I could do and it was worth it. After we made it to the dog park and since no one else was there, I took a few laps around the park (which according to Google Earth is approximately .20 miles). Usually what happens is I start walking or running around the park and Hank will follow me, find something to sniff, get distracted by birds, and then he'll realize I'm way far away from him. The results generally include Hank coming at me at a full out Aussie run and rejoining the party. After a brief meeting with a massive 170 pound German Shepherd who was more interested in her ball than playing with Hank, we took off from the park at a pleasant jog, took some pictures on the road, and made it home. The dog park is about a mile away and we made it home in about 10 minutes. I am so stoked it's not even funny and even better, I feel great. And in other news, my cell phone is just heavy enough to make my running capris fall down when I run. I guess this is a sign that I need new pants or an armband for my phone.

I actually spent quite a bit of time searching for new sport type headphones and iPhone armbands on the internet today. Once I actually got to the store, I was much less enthused. One bad thing about living in a small town is that the selection at the stores is not always the best. Looks like purchasing on the internet or driving "to town" are my only options. I'm salivating over some Motorola bluetooth, behind the neck earphones but they are way out of my price range. Aside from headphones and an armband, I need to buy new running pants and a sports bra and I really want to buy new sneakers (but can't justify the cost. yet.).

I'm going to finish the night by being the book nerd I truly am. I took a trip to the library today and have three new books to read!

Insert Cleverness Here

Spring Rolls! Finally!

Yesterday kicked my butt. Literally, I walked in the door after workouts, took a shower, and collapsed in bed. It wasn't just workouts but the day in the general. I was really unmotivated. I was surprised that I even made the drive .

I'm still slightly unmotivated so writing this blog is really difficult. I'm trying to figure out if it's just because I'm tired or if I'm getting sick or if my lack of creativeness in diet is finally getting to me. So to address the lack of creativeness, I FINALLY MADE SPRING ROLLS! I had some problems with the rice paper mostly along the lines of not knowing how long I needed to soften it and the best method in which to soften it. Not to mention, do you add the ingredients while the paper is still wet, if not how long does it need to dry? I think I did an OK job but they ended up really sticky. Stickier than the ones I buy from a restaurant anyway. I put basil, cilantro, carrot, rice vermicelli, shrimp and pork inside the spring rolls and had store bought chili garlic sauce. Not as much flavor as I was hoping but still a wonderful change from my current norm. I think in version 2, I'm going to add the chili sauce to the INSIDE of the spring roll rather than having it as a dip.

Workouts last night were killer and we were promised that things are going to start getting harder. Much harder. Our trainer said our butts will be amazing by the time we are done. I'm still weighing the pros vs. cons for the treadmill and he throws in the chance for an amazing butt. I need time to process this new information! I also need to mention that I absolutely hate mountain climbers and if these exercises are what helps me to get an amazing butt, I will skip the amazingness and just settle for decent. Thanks. The cardio interval he has us do was ridiculous but I was again amazed by the changes in my body and stamina. We sprinted for a minute with 10-30 second recovery times and I was actually able complete the entire 15 minutes without being thrown off the treadmill. And to answer a question: no, the scale wasn't friendly. I know for a fact I lost two to three pounds this week but the scale only said I lost one. But to focus on the positive, I know for sure I've lost at least two inches from my waist, an inch from my arms, and an inch from my thighs.

Someone at work asked me if I was still eating healthy and when I said yes, he proceeded to tell me about this delicious bread he had for lunch. It was irritating even though he meant for it to be funny. It's not tempting, it's just irritating (and rude).

Someone else asked me what the biggest, noticeable change has been in my body, diet, etc. She didn't laugh when I told her I have Spiderman-esque reflexes now. No matter how tired I am, I can catch things that are falling out of my hands. And naturally, my most amazing catches lately have not been witnessed and I cannot prove that they actually happened. All I know is that Peter Parker would be proud.

Yesterday disappeared into a blackhole.

Sorry I didn't post here yesterday! I have an art and photography blog with my friends Limey and Isza that we are trying to get off the ground. I was supposed to help with that last night but I fell asleep instead. See, I failed everyone. :)

Walmart is not a friendly place

Someone who loves me very much (my mom), told me that I need to write a book. I proceeded to tell her that she would be my only customer. Since that conversation, I have at least five people who would purchase a Melanie original. So just for giggles, I was looking into this: Amazon Kindle Singles. I've read a few singles on my Kindle and usually they are 99 cent short stories. Some are worth it, some are not. But it may be worth it for me to write one and see if it is accepted by Amazon. Would you read my book?

My day was pretty much uneventful. I did get my Subway card so We Three Walking Weirdos took a trip to Subway for lunch. I think I like my rule that if I can't walk to get my food, I need to find another restaurant. Within walking distance of work we have Subway, Port o Sub, Starbucks, a Chinese Buffet, Vietnamese, KFC/Long John's, Carl's Jr/Green Burrito, Pizza, and Walmart. I have a lot of options but my fresh food has just been so good.

I just did my Bar Method workout DVD and it was so easy! I got through the whole thing and feel really good. There is definitely a benefit to having an almost empty bedroom to work out in and it's even nicer that I can close the door. As much as I love my husband, most of the time he fails to see the benefit of doing certain exercises and generally, he tries to show me how "easy" the exercises are to accomplish. He usually doesn't do them correctly and I don't usually appreciate his efforts. If you don't know what The Bar Method is click HERE!! I've really enjoyed the group setting but forgot how much I like the solitude of doing interval/circuit training by myself. I can pause if needed to take a break or drink water or get made fun of by my husband. And I don't have to deal with a pissy trainer as the lady on the DVD will always be the same perky instructor every time!

Went grocery shopping today and had to fight my way through the aisles at Walmart. I decided to just go all out and buy seven meal plans worth of food. I only spent about $90 and I actually have food to last me for longer than a week. I got hit on by an older man, I was scoffed at for climbing to reach the couscous all the way on the back of shelf (and knocking down about 20 boxes of rice and quinoa in the process), and I got stuck in the intimates section when I ran into a coworker. (What? I needed to buy socks!) Not only did I have to fight through the aisles but I also had to fight through checkout. I got pulled from my line to an opening check stand and almost got cut in front of. Luckily, an irritated Walmart employee said, "Sir, I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to the young lady in front of you, she was in the line first so she is going first. Move aside." Yeah! Take that jerkface! Unfortunately, I didn't get the opportunity to unload even half my cart before he started unloading his cart. Had I not been paying attention, I would have paid for all of his purchases. I did make it out of Walmart in one piece but it was close there for a minute or two.

Week #4 weigh in tomorrow before workouts. I think I am going to make an effort to have as little sodium as I possibly can tomorrow so I don't retain as much water. I'd like the scale at the gym to be as kind as the one I have in my bathroom.

Blame the full moon.

Every full moon rolls around and most of the time it goes unnoticed. But have you ever noticed that the craziest things always happen around the time of a full moon? It's like the perfect time for the figurative shit to hit the fan. Nothing hit the fan today but everyone I saw in person (including myself) was tired and borderline bitchy. Not like, "it's almost time for your period" bitchy, FULL MOON bitchy. And continuing on with my conspiracy theory, tomorrow will be completely normal. This is my predication and I bet you $5 that I'm correct.

For our inventory day a couple weeks ago there was an incentive to make as few errors as possible. If you guessed "food incentive" you would be correct. Well, I completed said incentive and won the opportunity to stuff my face with pizza. A month ago, I would have gone for it and had four slices of whatever pizza was available with jalapenos and maybe a little bit of ranch dressing. Now, it kind of makes me feel slightly sick to think about the possibilities of what four slices of pizza could do to me. I requested a Subway lunch card instead but we'll see what happens. If anything, I'll just bring my own lunch and forget that I was rewarded for inventory day awesomeness.

Continuing on with the FMC (full moon conspiracy), workouts were not fun tonight. We were back to our original, semi-permanent trainer and he was in some kind of mood. Someone in the group actually got really pissed off that we've changed trainers so many times. I can see her point, all the trainers have different methods and personalities. I want some normalcy in the routine and being in the fourth week, you'd think that would be established. This was actually the first night that I was truly frustrated with myself and the first time I've said, "I can't". Not in the sense of "I won't try" but in the sense of "I'm not able to do this". I think my exact words were, "I can't do this. I'm not able to do this." Mr. FMC inflicted Trainer completely took that the wrong way and snapped at me. My thought is that if you can't do something, there has to be a modification of some sort that you can do while you are building up strength and muscle. Eventually I will be able to do the intended exercise but I just don't have the strength to do it right now.

Cardio wise, I moved to the treadmill and my knees are killing me. Again, Mr. Trainer was not helpful in this area either. According to him, I just have circulation issues. And no, he wasn't just picking on me. It seemed that no one could say the right thing tonight. Anyway, I didn't do great on the treadmill because of my knee discomfort. Out on the street, I am walking/jogging a 13.5 minute mile and on the treadmill I'm topping out at a 16 minute mile because I can't do the jog intervals. Hopefully this will get better.

The Tale of the Friendly Scale

Ok, so I didn't wait until Thursday to weigh myself. Either my weekend of massive cheating hasn't caught up with me or I didn't cheat as much as I thought because I've lost another couple of pounds. Everyone says that weight is just a number but I feel like it's directly tied to my success. If I don't see the weight going down, I won't feel as motivated. I see a difference, I feel a difference and I want to see the number changing.

It's amazing how a couple of days not following the diet plan screwed things up. I didn't feel energized at all for a majority of the day and after lunch I hit a huge brick wall. I felt my stomach slipping back into constant growling mode and I was having cravings for a huge carne asada burrito. Instead, I had a tuna sandwich. Not a burrito but I added salsa in hopes that I could trick said stomach into thinking I ate a burrito. It didn't work.

I desperately need to go grocery shopping for fruits, veggies, and a few other essentials like cereal, melba toast, coffee and pistachios. I think I can make it another couple of days but by Wednesday, I need to have a shopping trip otherwise I will need to eat the frozen meals we have stockpiled which won't be good. The nutritionist told us that 500-600mg of sodium is the maximum you should be eating in one meal and 2300mg is the maximum you should be eating in a day. Frozen meals generally don't follow these guidelines so I need to stay away from them, otherwise the 60-80 ounces of water I'm drinking will hang out around my stomach and maybe vacation to my fingers.

We had yet another trainer tonight at workouts which was a fine surprise because we completely changed it up. Prior to tonight, I thought my balance was pretty good. My Wii Fit has never complained about my balance, just my weight and my inability to do push ups. During our warmup, literally the first 2 minutes of class, I almost fell on my face when I reached down to touch my toes. Granted, we were walking and reaching down to touch our toes. I couldn't do that warmup exercise for the life of me and the trainer got a kick out of my attempts. When I say we completely changed it up, I really mean it! We did station circuits and actually used workout machines for once. We did end up on the mats to do some core work but for the most part, we were on the self guided stations. We also did two separate cardio circuits, which were also self guided. I ended up going two miles in 20 minutes on the elliptical which was pretty exciting. I think I need to move to the treadmill to see what kind of damage I can do there.

After the workout I decided to brave Petsmart so I could restock Hank's treat supply. There is nothing like walking into a store right before they close to find three cashiers sitting and chit chatting while you are red faced and still out of breath from your workout. If I tried hard enough, I could have convinced them that I ran to the store. But I didn't try! :)

The weekend of massive cheating.

I didn't write a post yesterday mainly because we had visitors so I'm going to split this up by day. I actually decided to wait until after my run to write this that way I can do as much updating as possible.

Warmup Walk!

Saturday
Everyone in the house was up early because construction work started on the house next door at 7:30AM (so freakin' irritating). Not to mention my parents had to deal with the early morning sunshine pouring into our front bedroom. I had my cottage cheese breakfast and some green tea, good conversations with my Mom, and cuddle time with Hank. Hank was being extra cuddly this weekend because he had SO many guests to visit with, so he graced me with his presence once or twice.

I took Hank and my parents on a walk to the dog park. No one else was there so we had a good time watching Hank chase the tennis ball. Chuckit! ball launchers are amazing dog toys and such a great invention! Chompion toys are pretty cool also, he likes how they bounce and I think he really likes the texture. He had a lot of fun but if you knew Hank personally, you would know how much he craves human attention. He gets bored easily if you aren't running with him to get the tennis ball. Thanks Hank for trying to keep us all active!

My parents and I took a trip down to Visalia and ended up going to the outlet mall and having lunch. We ate at the Bravo Farms Shop which was amazing. It was really my first meal of indulgence since I started this challenge. I had a BBQ Salmon (baked and the BBQ'ed naked) Sandwich on Wheat Bread. I did indulge and have Gouda cheese and it was so worth it! Bravo Farms is a local cheese factory, so their cheeses are fresh and really "mmmm - tastic". This place has awesome sandwich spreads, they are mayo based dressings that are just to die for.  BUT... I skipped my regular Sun Dried Tomato Aioli and the salmon was so moist that the sandwich didn't suffer. I surprised myself though because I stopped eating at one point and realized that I was full on the bread so I put half my bread aside and finished the veggies and salmon and I left bread on the plate. *insert self pat on the back and a superwoman pose here*

Since we were at the Outlet, we had to go shopping. Our last stop was Dress Barn and I told my mom that I still hadn't used my Christmas gift card to Kohl's to buy jeans. I really wanted to wait until this challenge was over but she offered to buy me jeans in exchange for the Kohl's card. I was honestly really scared to try on the jeans that I found and liked. I've had these problems lately where I grab my size from the rack and have issues putting them on in the dressing room. I've walked out of stores so many times without a purchase because I've felt so gross and disappointed. I know that is my size because the jeans I wear everyday are that size, but for some reason the jeans in the store mock me and laugh as I put them on the "go-back" rack. "Muahahahahaha... we've bested you again! Come back so we can do it again sometime!"

Anyway, I grabbed my size and walked into the dressing room. I held them up and kinda thought, shit. I'm not sure I can do this. But guess what, I put them on and they fit with room to spare. Oh my gosh, I've not been so happy with a pair of jeans in my life. The fact that those jeans fit me without any struggle is a testament to the fact that this program is working for me. It just felt so good. Not to mention they look really cute on me and are more flattering than any jeans I currently have in my closet. It gave me a boost of confidence that I needed. Basically, it gave me the confidence to move some stuff around in my closet and wear something I haven't worn in a long time. I was originally going to wear my standard jeans and boots to the dinner we were going to but pulled out a skirt and heels instead.

And speaking of the dinner, I ate salad and tri tip. I didn't eat any rice pilaf or dessert. Yes! I survived! We won some good prizes to boot and my in-laws won some cash (they are on a crazy lucky winning streak right now, don't feel too jealous). Heard some really funny comments about my husband that are still making me laugh and totally shocked the hell out of the kid who door bell ditched us last week when I called him out to his face.

Sunday...er...today...
Again, we woke up early because of the construction next door. 7:45AM on a Sunday, give me a break! But it ended up working out because we went out to breakfast before the husband needed to be at work and before the Sunday after church crowds filled all the restaurants downtown. But again, I indulged a little bit and I got two Swedish Pancakes (thin like crepes) with powdered sugar, butter, and lingonberry sauce. It was gooooooood. I just don't really want to see the scale in the morning. I might not even stand on the scale until Thursday.

I'm really bummed that our parents didn't get to hang out for longer but it's nice to have Hank back to normal. He's relaxing and I'm kind of glad to be back on my diet (whoa, can you believe that?) without needed to worry about anyone else's eating needs. Well, other than my husband but he's survived so far. One thing you need to know about dieting is that when you deviate, it has strange consequences. I haven't gotten sick but I've been visiting the restroom a little bit more and it hasn't been fun.

I did get a run in today which I accomplished having only Swedish pancakes. I have to say my body is constantly amazing me lately. My cardio abilities and stamina have increased by leaps and bounds and it really shows. We did 3 miles in 40 minutes today with the addition of run/walk intervals, that's slightly over a 13 minute mile. I get this strange cramp in my shoulder when I run, mostly because my shoulders are so tense and I work so hard to control my upper body. So I've done some reading and discovered that unclenching my fists and not being afraid to run with loose arms should really help me in the long run (pun intended.. not really I was just going for the cliche). So I tried it the method and it worked well, my shoulder didn't cramp until we were 30 minutes into our run and almost home, but that's mainly because I was getting tired. I did feel silly with my wrists hanging loose but I actually had better leash control and wasn't in Hank's way as much. Another thing I can do now (thanks to the core circuit) is really stand tall and open my chest more while I run, it helps me breathe. The walking intervals have been shorter but I find that my recovery time is way less than it has been. I'm catching my breath faster and I'm able to start running sooner. It's a good feeling.

Watching the Superbowl now and I'm about to make homemade chili-lime tortilla chips. 

And I leave you with this.

Update: Actually, I leave you with this! 24 homemade, baked tortilla chips that are the same amount of calories as 7 Tostitos Chips. Plus some avocado, cilantro, carrot, and salsa dip. Yum...my.

Just bask in the awesomeness... it's ok, no one will judge you here.

Where are Snow White and her cleaning animals when you need them?

I'm getting for the weekend and having visitors. I'm trying to get the house presentable which hasn't been difficult, it's just boring. We've only lived here since November and I haven't really gotten anything decorated the way I want it. Christmas was fine but regular decorations haven't come easily. And dusting is a constant battle. They should create a workout for washing dishes and dusting... better yet, I should make up something! All I need to incorporate is the engaging of the glutes and the engaging of the abs. Sounds easy enough.

My body is recovering so much better after the workouts that I really feel like I can add more workouts to my week. Though I really would like to come up with excuses not to add more workouts to my week. I've done Bar Method workout DVDs in the past and I'm finally ready to start them again. It takes a lot of balance, control, and stamina to get through those videos so I think I'll tackle it. Considering I did tip toe squats last night at workouts with no issues, I think I can do it!

Back to trying to summon Snow White and her cleaning animals. Now, where is my dog? Maybe he can help.

Don't keep inklings to yourself.

"Strength is the capacity to break a Hershey bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces." - Judith Viorst (The author of Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day was born on this day in 1931)

I am a reader. On a bright sunny day you will most likely find me sitting inside on the couch with my Kindle next to an Aussie Shepherd who is staring me down and telepathically begging for a walk. Most of the time, the telepathic Aussie wins and I postpone my reading to take him on a walk or play out in the backyard. I'm only mentioning this because everyday I get a quote emailed to me from Goodreads and that's the only reason I even heard of the above quote. But how appropriate is that? I mean, I ate three M&Ms the other day. THREE! And the whole bag was staring me in the face (and telepathically) willed me to eat the rest. And I resisted. So thank you, Goodreads. For putting into words the strength I felt for resisting the damn bag of M&M's.

I weighed myself this morning to find that I've lost an additional three pounds since last week's weigh in. When I weighed in at class, I the scale told me I only lost a pound and a half. After the workout, the scale was much nicer and it told me I weighed four pounds less than last week. No matter how you swing it, I lost weight this week so I need to stay positive. No doubt I was the heaviest person who weighed in at class today. There was someone who weighed in at 117 pounds and she was stressing over it. That is really hard for me to deal with and it makes me a little peeved. It actually made me uncomfortable to stand on the scale. I have confidence issues as it is and I don't want other people to witness the number on the scale. Usually when I have these moments, I am naked in the bathroom with the door closed.

Other than the weigh in, the workout was fabulous. Thursdays are the lower body workouts and of course, we had our classic cardio workout. I felt more coordinated and balanced today during the high speed portion of the workout. Something I learned years ago is that working out the glutes burns the most calories because it's the large muscle. When you do lunges or squats, you need to make sure you engage your glutes and the easiest way to do that is to put weight on your heels, not your toes. I've been having a lot of trouble with this at workouts but tonight I didn't have to focus so much on it and my body naturally just did it. Engaging my abs (belly button to spine) was also much better. One thing that is nice is I can feel a difference in my posture. Thank you, Tuesday core circuits!

This weekend is going to be a huge challenge and a never ending test. My parents and in-laws will be in town and we are going to a dinner hosted at my husband's school. If I can accomplish one goal it will be to NOT eat the rice pilaf. I will not eat the pilaf. I will have my husband's portion of salad and I will not eat the rice pilaf. The rice pilaf will not get into my head. I will not eat the rice pilaf....

Fail.

I went to two grocery stores today to try and buy ingredients for the Vietnamese Spring Rolls and I failed. Rather, the stores failed. I couldn't find rice paper or a freakin' red chile pepper. Seriously? Between the Super Walmart and Savemart one would think you'd be able to find everything needed for Spring Rolls. If a grocery store advertises via aisle markers that they have an "Asian Food" section then they should have more than Simply Asia products and soy sauce.

I ended up just having couscous and veggies for dinner, pretty blah but I didn't feel like trying after my failed grocery shopping attempt. But my lunch was really good...

Tacos!

And who knew that cottage cheese and salsa could taste so good together? I was in a major rush this morning and almost forgot to eat breakfast. Rice Cakes with cottage cheese and salsa. Probably not the best breakfast but it worked!

When I'm not at my computer in the office, I find that I'm not keeping myself well hydrated. It seems kind of backwards because when I'm not in my office, I'm walking around like a crazy lady trying to get stuff done. You would think movement would spur the need to stay hydrated but obviously it's not my first conscious concern throughout the day. I need to work on that.

Second Official weigh in is tomorrow. I know I've lost more weight but I'm really concerned about the nighttime weigh in and I'm concerned that my clothes are super heavy. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.